Shocked by Netflix's Adolescence? The Fictional Story Is a Real Wake-Up Call for Parents
"The most disturbing truths often carry the most important lessons."
By Dr. Carrie Mackensen
April 3, 2025
Netflix's "Adolescence" has become something of a cultural phenomenon since its premiere this March. In just three weeks, it accumulated 96.7 million views, placing it ninth among Netflix's most-watched series.
These aren't just big numbers; they represent millions of real viewers confronting disturbing questions about how our digital world is reshaping adolescence. As both a clinical psychologist and mother of two boys, I've found myself unable to shake this haunting miniseries.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Teen brains are neurologically vulnerable to online radicalization due to underdeveloped impulse control
Many children lead "double lives" online, especially at night when parents are sleeping
Connection must come before correction—build a relationship first, then set boundaries
Establishing a "no devices in bedrooms" policy is critical for protecting your child
Your teen still values you deeply, even when they seem to prefer peers and screens
The Haunting Reality of "Adolescence"
"Adolescence" centers on 13-year-old Jamie Miller, arrested for murdering his classmate, Katie Leonard. The series follows Jamie's family as they confront the horrifying allegations and community backlash.
What makes this series so chilling isn't just the violence but how it traces this young man's gradual radicalization through online communities.
We learn that Jamie was subjected to relentless bullying, particularly on social media where he was labeled an "incel" (involuntary celibate), a term used to describe men who are unable to attract women romantically despite wanting to. This labeling led him toward what is often referred to as the "manosphere," or online communities characterized by misogynistic viewpoints, resentment toward women, and toxic ideas about what it means to be masculine.
These online spaces, which include "Red Pill" communities (named after The Matrix reference, claiming to reveal the "truth" about male-female dynamics), offer vulnerable young men a sense of belonging, identity, and simple answers to their more complex emotional struggles. Research published in the Journal of Adolescent Health has found that engagement with these online communities is associated with increased acceptance of violence and decreased empathy, particularly toward women (Ging, 2019).
The transformation happens invisibly, right under the watchful eyes of attentive parents who thought they were doing everything right. The series creator, Jack Thorne, explains that he immersed himself in these communities during his research and shares grave concerns about their appeal to vulnerable young boys who naturally seek belonging and identity. What makes this especially disturbing is how ordinary this family appears; they are loving parents who did not recognize the danger until it was too late.
"We Thought He Was Safe"
One gut-wrenching scene in the last episode features Jamie's parents reflecting on their son's digital life. His mother tearfully recalls, "Jamie would come home from school and go straight to his room, close the door, and get on his computer. He would be on it at 1 AM, and I'd knock on his door to turn it off, which he would... but he never said nothin'."
His father's response is haunting: "We couldn't do nothin'. He could have been watching porn, or God knows what, but that's what kids these days do."
This powerful exchange illustrates a dangerous misconception: the belief that we parents are helpless against this digital tide.
In reality, Jamie's parents could have done something. They could have removed devices from his bedroom, replaced his smartphone with a basic flip phone, and connected with him after school instead of allowing him to isolate behind closed doors. The fact that "that's what kids these days do" doesn't make it healthy or inevitable.
These aren't isolated fictional scenarios. I've heard countless similar stories in my psychology practice. Most recently, during a week spent talking with middle schoolers at an affluent, academically rigorous school, I was stunned by their digital confessions. One seventh-grade girl—bright, well-adjusted by all outward appearances—confided that she sleeps only four hours a night, spending the rest on social media and online while her parents believe she's asleep. An eighth-grade boy described setting alarms to wake up after his parents were in bed to play video games for hours in his room, then "go back to sleep" just before his mother would come to wake him. These sweet children are torn between a sort of 'double life': the one their parents see and another that unfolds at night in the digital shadows while their parents sleep.
Beyond Fiction: The Science of Adolescent Vulnerability
The adolescent brain is particularly vulnerable. The prefrontal cortex which is responsible for impulse control, decision-making, and emotional regulation, is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. This means teens:
Experience emotions more intensely than adults
Have difficulty assessing risk and consequences
Are more susceptible to peer influence and social pressure
Struggle to regulate reactions when emotionally triggered
When you combine this neurological vulnerability with unlimited access to unfiltered content and toxic online communities, there is a perfect storm of sorts: transformative influence that can be destructive.
The Algorithmic Pathway to Radicalization
Today's digital algorithms accelerate exposure to extreme content. Once a teen watches one video related to dating frustrations, the algorithm serves increasingly radical content. This is not random, it is by design.
A 2021 study found that YouTube's algorithm consistently recommends progressively more extreme content, potentially leading users down radicalization pathways (Hosseinmardi et al., 2021).
As one character in the series explains: "It's a call to action by the manosphere. '80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. So we must trick them because we never get them in a normal way.'" Instead of learning relationship skills, emotional connection and regulation, these online communities tell young men: "Ignore your feelings. Just get rich and hit the gym."
The technological isolation portrayed in "Adolescence" isn't just fiction, we can see it playing out everywhere. Just yesterday at a restaurant, I observed a family that stopped me mid-conversation: both parents scrolling on phones, a teenage son hunched over his device like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (never looking up, even when eating his pizza), and a young daughter, maybe nine years old, staring at the backs of everyone's phones, utterly alone in the presence of her family. No one spoke. No eye contact even.
The little girl's face showed a quiet resignation that broke my heart. This scene is a snapshot of what's happening in countless families. Parents and children are close in proximity but emotionally disconnected, each in their own digital bubble while sharing the same physical space.
Turning Disturbance into Action: What Parents Can Do
If "Adolescence" has left you disturbed (like it did me), channel that energy into constructive, positive changes:
1. Create Connection Before Correction
Our emotional connection and relationship with our children are most important. Our connection is like scaffolding that protects them from whatever potential dangers lurk, whether online or in real life. Start with casual conversations during everyday moments. Try open-ended questions like:
"What did you think about that storyline we watched?"
"Have you ever seen 'manosphere' videos like those in the show?"
"What makes someone a good role model?"
The goal isn't winning arguments but creating a safe space for honest conversation. Rather than setting your intention to teach, focus on being a good listener and trying to understand their point of view and the world as they experience it.
2. Model the Connection You Want to See
If we parents are constantly on our phones, we're teaching our children that digital distraction is normal and acceptable. Make meals, car rides, and family time device-free zones--for everyone, including us parents.
3. Address Emotional Literacy
Create safe spaces for your children, especially sons, to express vulnerability. I regularly tell my boys emotional vulnerability is actually a strength. This reframe is both helpful and true.
4. Trust Your Parental Instincts
If something feels off with your child, it probably is. Watch for social withdrawal, persistent sadness, or subtle shifts in attitude. Research shows that increased screen time is associated with lower psychological well-being in adolescents (Twenge & Campbell, 2019).
5. Be the "Surrogate Brain" Until Theirs Is Fully Connected
We function as our children's prefrontal cortex until theirs fully develops. Setting limits with our children is not mean; boundaries are protective and loving.
6. Establish a "No Devices in Bedrooms" Policy
This is non-negotiable. Create charging stations in common areas for all devices. Research shows that bedtime smartphone use is associated with poorer sleep, higher anxiety, and increased depression in adolescents (Carter et al., 2016).
7. Recognize That Monitoring Isn't Spying, It's Parenting
You wouldn't let strangers into your child's bedroom, so why allow them behind closed doors via digital access? Implement parental controls and be transparent about your monitoring. Tell your children: "I'm checking because I don't trust what's out there. I love you, and my job is to protect you."
8. Teach Media Literacy
Help your children understand how algorithms work and how influencers make extreme statements for views. Teens with higher media literacy skills are better equipped to think critically about online content (Jeong et al., 2012).
9. It's Never Too Late to Change Course
Explain to your children, "I've learned new information about how these devices affect your developing brain, mental health, and well-being. Because I love you, we're making changes to our family's technology rules." It's okay if they're upset; validate their feelings, but remember that their feelings don't dictate your parenting policies.
Learning from Jamie's Parents
"Adolescence" portrays Jamie's parents as loving people who simply didn't understand the dangers. Their fictional tragedy can become our wisdom if we ask ourselves:
"Am I surrendering my parental authority with phrases like 'that's what kids these days do'?"
"What influences are shaping my child?"
"How is my own technology use affecting our relationship?"
"Am I confusing privacy with secrecy?"
"What boundaries am I afraid to set, and why?"
Either we parents are the most influential people in our children's lives, or the internet and social influences will be.
Despite their peer focus, our children still want us in their lives. An anonymous survey at my children's school revealed that middle school students overwhelmingly identified their parents and family as the most important aspect of their lives.
In other words, despite outward appearances, your pre-teen or teenager still values you and wants you in their life. You are still most important to them.
A Call to Courageous Parenting
Remember that parenting isn't about being popular; it's about being present and protective. According to research by Masten and colleagues (2021), the single most powerful protective factor in a child's life is a strong relationship with at least one caring adult.
Our children's developing brains are literally shaped by their relationships. The connections formed during these formative years physically wire neural pathways that influence how they relate to themselves and others (Siegel, 2020). This is why connection must come before correction.
What changes will you implement after watching "Adolescence"? Because no parent thinks "it" will happen to their child—until it does.
References
Carter, B., et al. (2016). Association between portable screen-based media device access or use and sleep outcomes. JAMA Pediatrics, 170(12), 1202-1208.
Ging, D. (2019). Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere. Men and Masculinities, 22(4), 638-657.
Hosseinmardi, H., et al. (2021). Examining the consumption of radical content on YouTube. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 118(32).
Jeong, S. H., et al. (2012). Media literacy interventions: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Communication, 62(3), 454-472.
Masten, A. S., et al. (2021). Resilience in development and psychopathology: Multisystem perspectives. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 17, 521-549.
Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (3rd ed.). Guilford Publications.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2019). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.
Dr. Carrie Mackensen brings over 20 years of clinical expertise as a psychologist and real-world wisdom as a mom of two boys. With a Ph.D. in Individual, Family, and Child Psychology, she combines professional knowledge with practical parenting insights. Through her coaching business and weekly newsletter, Successful Parent, she helps families navigate modern parenting challenges. For your free “Healthy Tech Boundaries Guide for Families”, visit www.successfulparent.com or join the Successful Parent weekly newsletter Successful Parent Practical Tips in Your Inbox .